Oscar

A little death
All around your little life
we built a nest of thoughts,
of plans,of projects,
of inordinately special things 
just to do with you.
Books to be read
sat waiting on bookshelves,
apples hung hopefully, smiling
on trees, 
daffodil bulbs were planted
and eagerly grew in secret 
under the soil.
Snuggly jumpers were imagined
and embroidered 
with sailing ships
and lighthouses 
blinking their warnings
on a knitted nightscape 
of midnight-blue. 
And we planned to take you
to Thailand to visit the boys 
who dressin saffron robes 
and dream of eternity
daily. And 
O the days 
we would have --
those endless yellow days
that saunter into other worlds
where dragons snort fire
and words make no sense
and rocket ships are as common
placeas blowflies 
that hover in Summer
with bees 
and early autumn leaves.  
Little appliquéed trouser 
suits would arrive in the post -- 
decorated with puppy dogs
and fast red cars 
and Christopher Robin
saying his prayers 
or walking with Pooh
in the rain ...

All of us were yearning 
to see that day 
when you would emerge 
shining and fragile and new.
We loved you
and wanted to hold
your body, and cradle you 
into our arms.
Your tiny fingers would curl 
around ours
and showers of love would fall 
like the enormous lazy fireworks 
that drift
across the sky 
as gently as moondust,
and love-cries would hum 
in your ears as softly
as your mother's heartbeats.
We longed for that day
like love-sick people,smitten 
before their time.

But Oscar darling,
you slipped away,
too wise
to enter this space.
And one day
you'll welcome us
in party clothes, 
and sheepishly 
make your excuse.